Hello I'm 15 and have decided to write some poems. The first is about a father who is ill for the separation of his wife's mentally ill and "certain needs" exercises with his little daughter. I know that's a heavy topic and nobody should feel attacked. I think there are always the happy sides of life shown here why something serious. The second is about a boy who can not identify with his classmates / friends (or his generation) and therefore persuas them to make them easy. Are as I said my first two So I would be happy about suggestions for improvement Thank you :)
Here the first
from loss becomes urge, from urge becomes madness
At the moment a greed is at the time
Because I wish you were here
It's long since we saw each other
You were so nice with your long Hair
Silence lies in the air
And I miss your fragrance
Always went through the room
Now the stink is only worse
I stop it anymore and rocker in the chair
On the wooden table is still the fetter
I remember ....
I still have the bottom Something, small but finely
I hurry down the stairs to the basement
With every step I'll be a little more mine
The beans rain in my hand
I hope you're still awake, damn
I get far from
And the door flies out of the ABeyond
You're lying there in the dirt
It is a good hiding place
Papi now needs you more
Do you understand that my little fairy ?
Since then Mami is gone I feel lonely
But still I have to meet where I do not say no
Now we do not ....
It's fast over
Papi does not make it painful
I would say it's even hearty
Now I'm ready and finish in grief
fast I disappear behind the wall
Say why did you leave me
Do not you see what you have attached to others?
Here the second
Let them do!
You hear them laugh
But you want to cry
She WhereLen celebrate and crash
But you feel like under pigs
In the evening you lonely lonely in bed
While they celebrate and crash
Why can not them? Be different?
You're talking to you: Oh, let them do
The next day you come to school
You hear them laugh about celebrations and crash
Why can not you be different?
But again you're talking about: Oh, make them
In the break, they stand there and smoke cigarettes
Talk again about celebrations and crashes
Put on with your sparkling chains
and again you're talking about: Oh, let them do
And that's how it works
And you feel like one Endless ladder
Too many GEdanks in your head and you wish you could laughOh ... let them just do it. Armando
Really class! I find it astonished as some people can sit down and writing a poem. I myself do not even make a suitable topic for a poem to find and would be crazy after 2 minutes.
Nevertheless, I find your poems very successful and great!
Offer on my low creativity I do not suggest suggestions.
You have the poems very profesionell and well written. Super; -)Rickey