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These are my first two poems, what do you think about it?

CLINT

Hello I'm 15 and have decided to write some poems. The first is about a father who is ill for the separation of his wife's mentally ill and "certain needs" exercises with his little daughter. I know that's a heavy topic and nobody should feel attacked. I think there are always the happy sides of life shown here why something serious. The second is about a boy who can not identify with his classmates / friends (or his generation) and therefore persuas them to make them easy. Are as I said my first two So I would be happy about suggestions for improvement Thank you :)

Here the first

from loss becomes urge, from urge becomes madness

At the moment a greed is at the time

Because I wish you were here

It's long since we saw each other

You were so nice with your long Hair

Silence lies in the air

And I miss your fragrance

Always went through the room

Now the stink is only worse

I stop it anymore and rocker in the chair

On the wooden table is still the fetter

I remember ....

I still have the bottom Something, small but finely

I hurry down the stairs to the basement

With every step I'll be a little more mine

The beans rain in my hand

I hope you're still awake, damn

I get far from

And the door flies out of the ABeyond

You're lying there in the dirt

It is a good hiding place

Papi now needs you more

Do you understand that my little fairy ?

Since then Mami is gone I feel lonely

But still I have to meet where I do not say no

Now we do not ....

It's fast over

Papi does not make it painful

I would say it's even hearty

Now I'm ready and finish in grief

fast I disappear behind the wall

Say why did you leave me

Do not you see what you have attached to others?

Here the second

Let them do!

You hear them laugh

But you want to cry

She WhereLen celebrate and crash

But you feel like under pigs

In the evening you lonely lonely in bed

While they celebrate and crash

Why can not them? Be different?

You're talking to you: Oh, let them do

The next day you come to school

You hear them laugh about celebrations and crash

Why can not you be different?

But again you're talking about: Oh, make them

In the break, they stand there and smoke cigarettes

Talk again about celebrations and crashes

Put on with your sparkling chains

and again you're talking about: Oh, let them do

And that's how it works

And you feel like one Endless ladder

Too many GEdanks in your head and you wish you could laugh

Oh ... let them just do it.
Armando

Really class! I find it astonished as some people can sit down and writing a poem. I myself do not even make a suitable topic for a poem to find and would be crazy after 2 minutes.

Nevertheless, I find your poems very successful and great!

Offer on my low creativity I do not suggest suggestions.

LG Louis

Alvin

You have the poems very profesionell and well written. Super; -)

Rickey

Very good!

These are my first two poems, what do you think about it?

TAG: Love poem poem writing Youth mental illness poetry analyzes