Does anyone understand me?
This is actually a topic with which philosophy and religions have been dealing for a long time. There are you in a good place (and with the question also not all alone!)
The funny thing about the whole thing is that life is actually quite easy to understand But somehow not ... just both at the same time.
This is also part of life. Everything is in everything because it could not give the other without any one. So if there is nothing that you do not understand, it can not give anything that you understand. And if there is something that you understand there's something that you do not understand. This is the duality in life.
I would like to recommend you a book that may help you KAnn. "Conversations with God" Triology of Neal Donald Walsch. Also gives more books from him about the topic. In the books it is not about the Christian God. God stands as a symbol for the life energy, which inherently inherent. It's not about religion, it's about life itself.
Before you always like more. Try to answer a "questioning". With the knowledge you can further question. Step by step . Life is not a simple thing. Is very complicated :)
Yes. It's just very deep. But there is a reason. You just need a long breath on your dives.